‘Till death do us part’ – a simple statement brimming with profound meanings. Marriage is a winding road filled with unexpected hurdles. For the sake of love so worth fighting for, are you ready to co-pilot this future into unchartered water together?
Most people view marriage as a beginning of a new chapter. It may be right but it is in reality the toughest, most emotional and rewarding chapter of their life. To prepare for it, we realise that expectation is the key ingredient to a successful marriage. An advice given by married couples: ”be open about communicating expectations”. [Matthew Boggs & Jason Miller, 2007]
More than wedding planning and wedding coordination, we gain immense satisfaction seeing fulfilling and happy marriages. Working with many couples and providing wedding coordination has provided us with insights of useful questions prospective wedding couples should know before planning their wedding.
Here is our compilation; we hope its useful in preparing both of you for the next chapter of your lives.
Click here to download, Marriage Worksheet.
1) Dreams and Ambition
‘Marriage is a covenantal union designed to strengthen the capability of each partner to carry out the plan in their lives’. By motivating your partner to pursue their dreams, you acknowledge the importance of their ambition in a relationship. Couples who lead a passionate marriage are often the ones that support each other
2) Conflict Handling
Interpersonal conflict is inevitable in any relationships. The outcome can turn really bizarre especially when assumptions are built. However, right conflict management tactics have the powerful ability to reverse situation and effectively prevent such conflicts from occurring again.
Here is a sample guideline of how you could strategically resolve a conflict with your partner (Adapted from: The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work)
- Describe the problem that you’re currently facing (I don’t like the way you ….. because I think that ……)
- Describe your current emotions (I feel ….)
- Describe the ideal scenario (I would appreciate it if you could ….)
- Describe your self-intention (I am willing to compromise by ….)
Negotiating a win-win situation require mutual understanding of both parties’ point of view. You may be flooded with emotions, but try displaying empathy and listen actively. Conflict management is a hard skill to master for many but keep working on it and you will observe the tremendous effect on your relationship.
3) Children
“A child is a grenade”. When you have a baby, you set off an explosion in your marriage, and when the dust settles, your marriage is different from what it was. Many couples are often caught off-guard by the presence of a new life in their family. Our advice to the newly-weds: Always stay prepared and adaptable.
4) Parents and In-laws
Marriage is significantly different from being in a relationship. You marry into a family when you marry your partner. Whether you adore your in-laws or barely tolerate them, your rapport with them can have a substantial impact on your marriage. Establishing the boundaries beforehand enables your partner to police those lines.
5) Financial
Things that used to be ‘yours’ and ‘mine’ officially become ‘ours’. Compromises on expenditure needs have to be made to sustain a long-lasting marriage. Early financial planning allows couples to understand the priorities and needs of each other and make spending adjustments accordingly.
Love is above all, the gift of oneself. Marriage is a lifetime decision to guard the soul of your love one.
What other considerations do you think pre-wedding couples should look at? We’ve love to hear your views. Leave your comments below and happy reading:)
Resource list:
1) Matthew Boggs & Jason Miller (2007) Project Everlasting P61-122
2) John M. Gottman PH. D & Nan Silver (2010), The Seven Principles For Making Marriage Work